I am finally back home on the farm for the Christmas holidays!
As I’m feeling festive, here’s ten things you’ll know from living on a farm at Christmas time.
The 3 Wise Reps
Similar to the nativity scene, the festive period warrants an annual visit from local reps who come to the farm bearing gifts of calendars, chocolate and whiskey as a thank you for your custom over the past year.
It is an age old tradition replacing the advent calendar; as soon as you see the rep, you know Christmas is just around the corner.
Double order everything
Most things shut down over the Christmas holidays and the farming industry is no exception to this rule.
Experience has taught you to order that extra proven to tide you over until the New Year, as feed wagons don’t and won’t work on Christmas Day!
But for some reason the bills keep coming…
Beware the practical presents
Being pragmatic is something every farmer has a knack for and this is most evident in the giving of practical presents at Christmas time.
Try and look excited as you unwrap yet another pair of overalls, new wellingtons or a head torch for lambing time: it was bought with good intentions, honest!
Make sure the turkey fits in the AGA
Farmers get overtly excited when they realise they can secure a bargain and this happens most Christmas’ with a visit to the local Turkey Sale.
Despite only going to purchase a 17lbs for Christmas Day, you end up leaving with not one but two cheap 22lbs!
And whilst you are delighted with your bargains, your wife most certainly isn’t when she realises the bird doesn’t fit in the AGA.
Cue a few curse words, some last minute butchering skills and a promise that next time you’ll just stick to the shopping list!!
Jobs before Presents
It is still a working day meaning daily jobs, such as milking and feeding up, needed to be complete before any presents were unwrapped!
On the plus side, your parents are used to getting up early, meaning you never needed to wait for them to wake up as a child before you could open anything.
Rating fields in terms of sledging speed
There is something enchanting about fields covered in glistening untouched snow – especially when you were a child growing up and playing on the farm.
With slopes and fields galore, you ranked each depending on how fast your sledge will go down the hills and had a favourite field to sledge in that you couldn’t wait to show to your school friends.
However, experience taught you that sledges, ropes and quad-bikes do not mix and will only end in tears!
Christmas time means holly seekers come out in force, looking for berries to make some festive decorations.
And whilst it is tempting to send these festive people, found rummaging in your hedgerows, on their way, experience shows acts of kindness are sometimes rewarded … for instance when you woke up one day and found a brand new wreathe on your doorstop!
What’s a Carol Singer?
Certainly something only found in films.
The mere thought of carol singers trekking all the way down your snowy and slippery lane just to sing you a song is simply absurd and amusing.
But fair play if anyone ever turned up outside your farmhouse and belted out a carol or two!
Lost Christmas Walkers
Everyone loves a good countryside stroll and for some reason townies choose the festive period (Christmas Eve/Day/Boxing Day) in particular to explore it.
Be prepared to answer the door to a lost walker half way through your turkey dinner: it is guaranteed to happen one year!
Mouthwatering Kitchen Smells
You certainly never went hungry at Christmas time with your mum’s amazing culinary and baking skills.
From Christmas cakes, mince pies and festive trifles to homemade stuffing, pastries and cheese sauce, farmers wives and mothers have the festive menu perfected and you leave the table feeling as obese as the turkey you just devoured.
You dream about this meal all year long and every year it just keeps getting better.
And nobody’s Christmas Dinner will ever come up to scratch!
Those are my top 10 things you’ll know from living on a farm at Christmas time.
I hope you all enjoyed this festive post and all that is left for me to say is Merry Christmas Everyone and a Happy New Year!